The History of "My Team Stinks" Part I: The Bengals

It’s a curious thing to root for teams that stink, and one might wonder how and why I made such awful choices. Each of my allegiances has a story of how it happened, but the most prominent story and the one that I have had to explain the most is how I ended up being a fan of the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals are a team that spent the entirety of the 1990’s being horrid. The 90’s were the decade in which it would make the most sense, given my age, to develop allegiances to specific teams. This combined with the fact that I have never lived in Ohio make it surprising that I’m a fan of the Bengals to say the least. My fandom started circa 1988 (I got in just before a decade of futility. Excellent.) As a 7 year old, how could I not love a team with a quarterback named Boomer and a running back named Ickey? These guys have tiger stripes on their helmets for cryin’ out loud! Not only did Ickey have a ridiculous name, he also had a ridiculous dance! Looking back, the Ickey Shuffle probably had a lot to do with my officially becoming a fan. It was the Shuffle and my ability to do it that led to people making the association that the Bengals were my team. Unfortunately the 1988 season ended in one of the most famous drives and touchdown passes in NFL history. I’m sure you recognize this:



Even more unfortunately, my two older brothers were both 49er fans at the time. We were living in Germany when this game was played and the Super Bowl came on much too late for us to watch it live. The morning after, my brothers and I eagerly awaited the highlights on CNN Headline News. The result may have been enough to make me cry regardless, but being that my brothers’ favorite pastime was making me cry, there was no way the tears weren’t going to flow. My first discernable memory of being a Bengals fan was that of heartbreak.

This became an enduring theme as Dan Wilkinson, David Klingler, Ki-Jana Carter, Jeff Blake, Carl Pickens, Akili Smith and many others continued to make Sundays in the fall disastrous for fans of the striped ones. Things looked like they might change for the better in 2005. The upstart Bengals won a division title and had a match-up with the hated Steelers in round one. On the second play, franchise QB Carson Palmer’s knee was blown out by that bastard Kimo von Oelhoffen and his evil sounding name. My hopes were dashed yet again. The subsequent years featured more disappointment and the Bengals reclaiming their throne as the laughingstock of the league once players started getting arrested in exceedingly ridiculous ways. Things might currently be looking up. My boys are coming off another improbable division championship this decade and seem to have figured things out at least a little bit. On the other hand, they did just sign the dueling delinquent Joneses, Adam (AKA Pacman, AKA the Rainmaker, AKA Huge Dumbass) and Matt (AKA the Cokehead). How next season will turn out remains to be seen. I do know that I will be rooting hard for the Bengals all season and for every season after.

Who Dey