Weekend Forecast - 9/24/10

Welcome to a new feature on My Teams Stink. This will be a good chance for me to post the latest thoughts on My Stinky Teams on a weekly basis and try my hand at a little prognostication. My first bold prediction is that having my projections in writing will prove that I don’t know nearly as much about sports as I think I do. In my defense, sports are unpredictable and I have many other interests in my life. Like other TV shows. And sleeping.

First, a look at my teams:

The Mets (@Phillies)

Whoa! They’re still playing?! When the Mets are out of contention, I usually stop following closely around the time that football season starts. For one thing, it’s depressing to constantly check the scores when they lose most of the time. Also, it’s hard to get too excited about a win that doesn’t mean anything whatsoever. From what I gather, the lineup is currently comprised mostly of guys that were called up from the minors. I guess this is good for the future. On the bright side, they’re playing the Phillies. That always goes well in September.

Prediction: Phils close out a sweep on Sunday. Moving on.

Tottenham Hotspur (@West Ham United)

Wait…what?! That’s right, folks. There is a new addition to the My Teams Stink family. For those unfamiliar, Tottenham Hotspur is a soccer team in the Barclay’s English Premier League (I think I have to say Barclay’s or men in suits will show up and hurt me). After a painstaking process to choose which team I would support, the boys from White Hart Lane came out on top. Welcome aboard, Spurs! I hope that I haven’t thrown a massive jinx on you. I was a bit worried that my presence as a fan was already causing the team to struggle, but things have been looking up lately, a loss in the Carling Cup to hated Arsenal notwithstanding. As for this weekend, Spurs are traveling across London to face last place West Ham United. The Hammers have mustered only 1 point thus far this year, so a loss would be disappointing. That said, I’m learning to be satisfied with ties on the road. The American in me says ties are stupid so I’ll settle for nothing less than a victory. Look for my boy Tom Huddlestone (oh yeah, they have a guy named Tom Freaking Huddlestone on their team!!) to net his first goal of the year.

Prediction: Spurs win 2-0.

Bonus prediction: my buddy Korey will insist on calling them “the Spurs” and I’ll insist it’s really cool to just call them “Spurs”.

Washington State Football (H – USC)

If you read my season preview, you’d already know that I am terrible at predicting the future. Just after I said that the days of WSU football being a laughingstock were over, the apparently not-so-mighty Cougs got their heads kicked in 65-17 by Oklahoma State. Ouch. Up next came a nail biting victory against FCS Montana State and a loss to SMU, the only team that WSU beat last year. At first glance, it seems that the tales of offseason improvement were greatly exaggerated. That said, this team really does look better. It's extremely difficult to make that case, but they make significantly more plays than they have the last couple years. Unfortunately, they also screw up a lot, which makes winning extremely challenging. Meanwhile, USC is looking more vulnerable than they have in years, struggling to a certain degree in all three games so far. If ever there were a time that this team could be had for an upset, this is the year. Am I predicting WSU will pull off such an upset? Heck no! I’m a homer, but I’m not insane. Prediction: Pain. Oops. I went a little Clubber Lang there.

Prediction: USC 48 – WSU 27.

Bonus Prediction: I will punch the arm of my couch upwards of 6 times.

Extra Bonus Prediction: The following tune will be stuck in my head from 12:10 PST on come Saturday: “Duhhhh-da-da-da-da-da-da-duhhhhhhhhh”…. Stupid USC.

Cincinnati Bengals (@Carolina Panthers)

Was I worried that the 2010 Bengals season would be a disaster following the dismantling by the Patriots on opening day? Yes. Yes I was. The YOOOOOOJ win over Baltimore last week combined with what seems to be a soft schedule going into the bye week have changed that mindset. When it comes to the Bengals, though, I’m always a worrier. They have a tendency to be somewhat Schizophrenic and lose when it’s least expected. Kinda like they did against the Raiders last year. On the bright side, they get to face America’s least favorite quarterback, Jimmy Clausen in his first career start. This is the type of game the Bengals need to win convincingly if they aspire to be among the league's elite.

Prediction: Bengals: 23 - Panthers: 10

On the off chance that you're tired of hearing about the same teams over and over (and over) again, here are my NFL picks for the week:

49ers (-2.5) @ Chiefs

I assume Niner fans were looking forward to this one on the schedule when it came out. Then again, they were probably looking forward to starting the season with the Seahawks. I think this game will play out more like people would have guessed in the preseason. It's time for the Chiefs to come back down to Earth a bit.

Prediction: Niners 21 Chiefs 17

Browns @ Ravens (-10.5)

Seneca Wallace against an angry Ravens defense. Yikes. Maybe the Browns shouldn't have ditched the brown pants this year, for Seneca's sake.

Prediction: Ravens 31 - Browns 7

Cowboys @ Texans (-2.5)

Ummmm...hmmmmmm....uhhhhhhhhhh.....I dunno. The Cowboys can't really go 0-3, can they? Or maybe they're really just not very good. They absolutely have to win and figure to play like it, but Houston absolutely won't take this one lightly. This one figures to be close. If it is, the Cowboys are screwed. Their kicker, David Buehler makes Fulton Reed look like William Tell. While you Google that reference, I'll come up with a pick.

Prediction: Texans 24 - Cowboys 21

Bonus Prediction: Buehler will severely injure a cotton candy vendor while shanking a game-winning field goal attempt well wide.

Lions @ Vikings (-10.5)

I am giddy at the idea of Brett Favre falling on his face this year. After all the drama, a forced midyear retirement would be a suitable end. Unfortunately, disaster won't strike just yet with Shaun Hill starting on the other side.

Prediction: Vikings 24 Lions 17

Bills @ Patriots (-13.5)

The Bills should devote more time this season to scouting college players than watching NFL film. They're awful.

Prediction: Pats 38 Bills 10

Falcons @ Saints (-4.5)

I can't decide, but I do know that those Real Housewives shows bug me and one of them was in Atlanta so I'm taking the Saints.

Prediction: Saints 28 Falcons 24

Titans @ Giants (-3.5)

Chris Johnson versus The Icebox. It doesn't get any better than that. Hang on....I'm told the Titans are actually playing the Big Giants. I don't think they're any good. They're certainly no Little Giants.

Prediction: Titans 20 Giants 14

(insert your favorite curse word) Steelers (-2.5) @ Buccaneers

Fantastic. Troy Polamalu is back, the Steelers defense is dominant and they are undefeated without Creepy Ben. Ugh. I can't talk about it anymore.

Prediction: Steelers 3 - Bucs 0

Eagles (-2.5) @ Jaguars

Mike Vick is back doing Mike Vick things and quite frankly it's exciting. Sure, he's pretty awful at being a human being, but man he's fast! As for the Jaguarssssssssssssssssssfdfddddsa. Sorry, the Jaguars mike me sleepy. I was face down on the keyboard there for a sec.

Prediction: Eagles 28 Jags 20

Redskins (-3.5) @ Rams

I've decided the Rams need to change their jerseys. I automatically associate with them with ineptitude. Even if Sam Bradford is good, he'll look bad to me because of the jerseys. Is that a credibility issue for me?

Prediction: Redskins 20 Rams 10

Colts (-6.5) @ Broncos

In the battle of horses, you'd think that a wild untrained horse would have no problem handling a male horse under the age of four. In the football battle, Peyton Manning will have no problem handling Kyle Orton. I will say, though, that Orton is extremely underrated. That Manning guy is just really really good.

Prediction: Colts 31 Broncos 24

Raiders @ Cardinals (-4.5)

Among things you will never ever hear in your life, "Can't wait for that Bruce Gradkowski-Derek Anderson" showdown ranks pretty high.

Prediction: Incompletions. Lots and lots of incompletions. And Raiders 20 Cardinals 17. Why the hell not?

Chargers (-5.5) @ Seahawks

I really like the way that Pete Carroll has the Seahawks playing right now. As long as Matt Hasselbeck doesn't poop the bed like he did last week, they should be plenty competitive. The Qwest Field crowd can be tough on the most poised quarterbacks. For someone completely insane like Phil Rivers, it could be a long day. I think this game will be a good one. I think they Chargers talent will pull it out, but it should be close.

Prediction: Chargers 21 - Seahawks 20

Jets @ Dolphins (-1.5)

I wish the Jets could get a little more exposure. I feel like I've hardly seen them play this year.

Prediction: Jets 13 - Dolphins 9

Packers (-3.5) @ Bears

Can Jay Cutler please go back to the sulky whiner that looks really annoyed all the time? I hate that Jay Cutler, but I like him because I like hating him. You know what I'm sayin? Monday Night Football seems like the perfect time for him to throw a few picks and look real doofy.

Prediction: Packers 27 - Bears 17

Bonus Prediction: I will get zero of these picks exactly right.

Extra Bonus Prediction: My record straight up will be mediocre and my record against the spread will be awful.

Mega Bonus Prediction: I may never pick every NFL game in a week again. It's hard. We'll see where these weekly forecasts go.

Every Team Starts Undefeated

Hope is defined as the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. For me, hope is represented by the opening of fall camp for the Washington State football team. Over the course of 29 practices every August, I slowly convince myself that things are looking up, that this is the year. This fall, my hopes for Cougar Football Saturdays are high, but not in a typical way. I hope that this is the year that the laughingstock label is shed. As I’ve mentioned, the last two years were abysmal ones for my alma mater’s intercollegiate football team. To go into this year with hope of a Pac 10 championship would be completely unreasonable. That is not to say I do not want a Pac 10 championship. It’s just that I don’t have a feeling that it can be had. Not this year. Hopes that high need to be tempered a little while longer. I’ll reserve such visions of grandeur for the biggest dreamers in the Cougar nation. What I want for the 2010 season is to see some signs that the Cougs are ready to compete with the rest of the conference. I want to see that the days of 70-0 losses are now over. I want to see that Coach Paul Wulff’s insistence that the program is moving in the right direction is not just the rhetoric of a man trying to make fans feel better. I want to see the young talent that has been quietly accumulating come of age. I believe that the things that I want can be had. By definition, I am hopeful.

Of course, I have concerns that my belief is misplaced. Every football expert, fan or anyone else who is not a Washington State employee or fan seems to be in agreement that 2010 will be a repeat of the last two seasons and bring the Paul Wulff era to an ignominious end. I’ve had my hopes up before, only to realize that reading 29 consecutive practice reports written by people whose purpose is to get Cougar fans excited can be misleading. I fancy myself a pragmatist and think I can look at the team pretty rationally and decide whether or not they are going to be any good. Going into last season, I couldn’t convince myself that things were going to be anything but bleak. This year feels different. There is a palpable optimism surrounding the team that feels legitimate. The hard part is convincing anyone who does not closely follow the Cougs to believe it. That’s where I come in. I’ve got 9 reasons why the days of the Washington State football team being a punchline are over. Why 9? I have no idea.

1. The riff-raff is gone. Following the best stretch in WSU’s history from 2001-2003, the coaching staff in place at the time started setting their recruiting heights a little higher. By som accounts, certain members of the staff stopped recruiting altogether. Unfortunately, three straight 10 win seasons does not mean that elite recruits suddenly want to come to your school. The Cougs couldn’t land the best prospects and eschewed their successful “Diamond in the Rough” philosophy for talented kids with character red flags. As kids with character red flags are wont to do, a number of them ran afoul of the law or failed to stay academically eligible. The washout rates for the classes following the 2003 season were staggering. Players that should have been the backbone of the ’08 and ’09 seasons were long gone, leaving the fate of the program to a bunch of youngsters who had no business being in that position. Coach Wulff has seemingly cleaned things up and is building the program around a foundation of good young leaders who want to spearhead a turnaround.

2. Depth is starting to build. By the end of the 2009 season, there were barely enough scholarship players available to field a defense. From my seat in Husky Stadium at the Apple Cup, it looked like we brought a third the number of players that the Huskies had. Surely the temptation was there to burn the redshirts of several freshmen, but the season was a lost cause from the start so the prudent move was to wait. While I’ve never been accused of being the biggest Paul Wulff supporter, I do give him credit for his fanatical persistence in trying to build a program for the long term. It will start to pay off this season.

3. Brandon Rankin. I already love this guy. A lot. Mr. Rankin recently changed his jersey number to 5. One of my favorite Wazzu athletes of all time, Mike Bush, wore number 5. Guess who just got a number 5 jersey. I’ll give you a hint. He has two thumbs and writes a blog. That’s right, this guy!

4. There is no way the injuries can pile up again like they did last year (knock on wood). It seemed as though anytime someone showed that they were a bona fide Pac 10 caliber player, they were lost to a major injury. LeAndre Daniels and Daniel Simmons both looked terrific at times last year. Both broke their legs. James Montgomery rushed for over 100 yards in a game and nearly had his leg amputated just over a week later (seriously). Quarterback Jeff Tuel had to be shut down not long after throwing for 354 yards against Cal. All are back and expected to contribute significantly this season. Update: LeAndre Daniels suffered a career ending neck injury during camp. That really does not bode well for prediction number 4. Let’s move on before I jinx things further.

5. Bill Moos. WSU’s new athletic director was at the helm when, much to my dad’s delight and my chagrin, Oregon turned into a perennial football powerhouse. He knows exactly what it takes to run a successful program and more importantly, being a WSU alumnus, he knows exactly what it takes to succeed in Pullman. He won’t have the benefit of being bankrolled by Phil Knight anymore, but I’m still confident that Cougar athletics are in more than capable hands.

6. Tuel Time! There is no doubt that the 2010 Cougs are Jeff Tuel’s team. An offseason as “The Guy” combined with the experience from last year should help. If last year’s Cal and USC games are any indication, Tuel has all the tools necessary to be a competent Pac-10 quarterback. Also, he’s just a sophomore. By the time he’s a senior, he figures to have 20-plus starts under his belt. Watch out for WSU in 2012!

7. “Roses”. In a story about offseason workouts, it came to light that the team was ending every session with a breakdown in which they shouted “Roses” in unison. I love this. Obviously, the Rose Bowl is not in the cards this year, but a group of second year players (Tuel, Nolan Washington and Gino Simone in particular) have taken leadership roles and made it their mission to make a New Year’s trip during their time in Pullman.

8. Larry Scott, Pac 10(12) Commissioner. The new commish has taken over and basically taken everything that the outgoing Tom Hansen had done (or more appropriately not done) and turned it on its ear. The goal is to generate as much revenue as possible for the conference and its members. The fact that all the other teams in the conference are also going to have more revenue would seemingly negate any advantage that Wazzu would derive newfound spending money. However, an increase from a roughly $20 million budget to a $50 million is far more significant than increasing from $80 to $100 million. This makes sense, I’m almost sure of it.

9. I’ve seen this story before and I know how it ends. The 1998 and ’99 football seasons were awful – not quite an ’08-’09 level of awful, but still awful. They came on the heels of a very successful era of Cougar football and raised concerns that the Cougs would drop right off the relevance map. In 2000, though, a young Cougar team led by a promising QB started turning a corner. The win-loss record didn’t reflect it yet, but games were much more competitive and there was suddenly an optimism surrounding the program. Over the next three seasons, the Cougs won 10 games each year, including a Rose Bowl trip and a bowl win over Texas. I’m not saying the current bunch will reach such lofty heights, but my gut feeling is that the 2010 season will have a strong resemblance to the 2000 one. It may or may not not translate to wins this year, but the Washington State football team won’t get kicked around anymore. I hope.

Go Cougs!